1971
William
2021
William Jarrod Phillips
November 4, 1971 — March 23, 2021
William Jarrod Phillips
November 4, 1971 – March 23, 2021
After all this kind of fanfare, and even more, I came to a point where I needed solitude and to just stop the machine of 'thinking' and 'enjoying' what they call 'living,' I just wanted to lie in the grass and look at the clouds…
-Jack Kerouac, Lonesome Traveler
The earliest memories I have of my brother, William Jarrod Phillips, are in Alamosa, Colorado, where we were both born. There are fragments of stories – new kitchen linoleum he burned playing with fire, canal we were told to stay away from (but he jumped over anyway), naptime when he convinced me to pretend to sleepwalk to get ice cream from the kitchen. He had me easily believing that our mother would never wake me because to do so would mean my certain death. He entered life eighteen short months before I did. He was my first playmate, has known me longer than anyone save my parents Ron and Karen, and our older sister, Kristen, and now he’s gone.
Jarrod was a cherubic boy with a ruddy look, a crooked smile, and gently tousled light brown hair. He seemed fearless to me and to our younger siblings, Scott and Monica – but also tender, sensitive, and genuinely sweet. At some point in his life, another side emerged – a side that seemed deeply wounded, angry, and often defensive and confused.
We moved to Oklahoma City after Monica’s birth. Jarrod had a Dallas Cowboys jacket he loved to wear. We rode the bus every morning to D.D. Kirkland Elementary School where he was a proud third-grade Pirate. We attended the State Fair every year. We learned to swim in our backyard pool. We went to clown camp together (he was a performer even then). He began playing cello in the school orchestra and, as would be the case with many of his endeavors, he excelled.
Five years later, our family moved to Vail, Colorado where Jarrod started 7th grade at Minturn Middle School. He liked to play the bad boy, but always had a teddy bear heart underneath. He was as annoyed with teachers (and as annoying to them) as you would expect a 7th grade boy to be, perhaps a bit more so on both counts. And he soon became skilled in two sports he would love the rest of his life – skiing and hockey.
Jarrod attended Battle Mountain High School as a member of the class of 1990 and left high school a year early to start his college education at Brigham Young University.
Always surrounded by friends, Jarrod’s personality was larger than life. He exuded confidence. His laugh came easily and frequently. And he had a contagious grin and the most beautifully clear blue eyes.
Jarrod learned at a young age to hide his insecurities. He sought (and unfailingly found) attention and the limelight, but was haunted in quiet moments by constant thoughts of being unlikeable. Not funny enough. Not athletic enough. Not religious enough. Simply . . . not enough.
Jarrod was open about his misuse of alcohol and drugs. He started drinking in high school, had a short period of approximately three years where he did not drink significantly, and then started drinking heavily again at the age of twenty-five. He wouldn't stop until nearly twenty years later. Even then, he relied
heavily on medical marijuana to help control almost debilitating anxiety. In his words, "Alcohol helped me avoid difficult feelings and feel charming in social situations."
Eventually, he also developed a cocaine habit. Again, in his words, "I sold my (first) marriage and my children for fractions of ounces of blow. My drinking and drug use took over my life and my work. . . . I thought I had hit rock bottom, but it was only the beginning."
Jarrod continued drinking heavily and would go on to be arrested for multiple DUIs. He said of this time, "I was either going to die or end up in jail unless I made a substantial life change."
His life continued to spiral downward until he survived several suicide attempts. "I passed through the darkest nights my soul has ever seen, I felt like such a burden to everyone I knew, and I was disgusted with myself."
In 2007, Jarrod realized for the first time he had been "slowly and methodically shutting everyone out of [his] life." He found a path towards self-acceptance, kindness and love. He felt he'd been given a second chance and was able to set a new tone for his life. Many friends know him as "the hugger" – it was in this time that he started hugging just about everyone he met. He would almost always ask permission, and then envelope folks in what some have called "awkward hugs". He held on good and tight for a good long time.
He made every effort to share his heart with others and help those around him feel loved and accepted just as they were. Almost without fail, he succeeded except in the most personal relationships of partner, children, and to a certain extent, siblings and extended family.
It took Jarrod a while to find his professional path, but once he committed to acting and filmmaking, he consistently expressed how fortunate he was to work in a field he was passionate about with people he genuinely loved. He produced, co-produced, or associate produced eleven Christmas movies, most of them for Crown Media’s Hallmark Channel. He acted in more than twenty-three films and shorts, including “Punk’s Dead, SLC Punk 2,” and “Hereditary.”
There was a time that Jarrod felt great confidence that no matter how low he got, he would have the resilience to bounce back. He said, "If I can survive bankruptcy, multiple divorces, more than one sudden and complete loss of income, foreclosure, and several suicide attempts then there is strength and power to support me and that’s something I will always be grateful for."
In many ways, Jarrod's life epitomizes the character of the lonesome traveler. He was driven to push boundaries, test rules, and would not accept the status quo. He was constantly seeking to learn, curious about the ways in which his mind and emotions did not seem to always serve him, driven to improve, and motivated by the promise of new adventures and new experiences. Along with that, he was restless, unreliable, tortured, and unable to find love or self-acceptance.
In the latter half of 2020, Jarrod's life again began to fall apart. He had a support system and regular contact with many friends and family, but that did not prove enough. He became increasingly depressed, anxious, and isolated. Ultimately, my tortured, lonesome traveler of a brother couldn't bounce back. Life had become too painful. We hope he is now at peace and able to simply "lie in the grass and look at the clouds…".
Jarrod’s quotes are taken from “Starting Over,” Utah Business, published June 10, 2019, available at https://www.utahbusiness.com/personal-struggle
Soldier Hollow Golf Course Clubhouse
Monday March 29, 2021
4:00 pm
If you would like to speak or participate and tell a story about your experience with Jarrod, please send a DM to Jarrod on Facebook.
Service will also be streamed on Jarrod’s Facebook Page at 4pm MDT
In Lieu of flowers, please contribute by following this link:
www.youthlinc.org/jarrod
November 4, 1971 – March 23, 2021
After all this kind of fanfare, and even more, I came to a point where I needed solitude and to just stop the machine of 'thinking' and 'enjoying' what they call 'living,' I just wanted to lie in the grass and look at the clouds…
-Jack Kerouac, Lonesome Traveler
The earliest memories I have of my brother, William Jarrod Phillips, are in Alamosa, Colorado, where we were both born. There are fragments of stories – new kitchen linoleum he burned playing with fire, canal we were told to stay away from (but he jumped over anyway), naptime when he convinced me to pretend to sleepwalk to get ice cream from the kitchen. He had me easily believing that our mother would never wake me because to do so would mean my certain death. He entered life eighteen short months before I did. He was my first playmate, has known me longer than anyone save my parents Ron and Karen, and our older sister, Kristen, and now he’s gone.
Jarrod was a cherubic boy with a ruddy look, a crooked smile, and gently tousled light brown hair. He seemed fearless to me and to our younger siblings, Scott and Monica – but also tender, sensitive, and genuinely sweet. At some point in his life, another side emerged – a side that seemed deeply wounded, angry, and often defensive and confused.
We moved to Oklahoma City after Monica’s birth. Jarrod had a Dallas Cowboys jacket he loved to wear. We rode the bus every morning to D.D. Kirkland Elementary School where he was a proud third-grade Pirate. We attended the State Fair every year. We learned to swim in our backyard pool. We went to clown camp together (he was a performer even then). He began playing cello in the school orchestra and, as would be the case with many of his endeavors, he excelled.
Five years later, our family moved to Vail, Colorado where Jarrod started 7th grade at Minturn Middle School. He liked to play the bad boy, but always had a teddy bear heart underneath. He was as annoyed with teachers (and as annoying to them) as you would expect a 7th grade boy to be, perhaps a bit more so on both counts. And he soon became skilled in two sports he would love the rest of his life – skiing and hockey.
Jarrod attended Battle Mountain High School as a member of the class of 1990 and left high school a year early to start his college education at Brigham Young University.
Always surrounded by friends, Jarrod’s personality was larger than life. He exuded confidence. His laugh came easily and frequently. And he had a contagious grin and the most beautifully clear blue eyes.
Jarrod learned at a young age to hide his insecurities. He sought (and unfailingly found) attention and the limelight, but was haunted in quiet moments by constant thoughts of being unlikeable. Not funny enough. Not athletic enough. Not religious enough. Simply . . . not enough.
Jarrod was open about his misuse of alcohol and drugs. He started drinking in high school, had a short period of approximately three years where he did not drink significantly, and then started drinking heavily again at the age of twenty-five. He wouldn't stop until nearly twenty years later. Even then, he relied
heavily on medical marijuana to help control almost debilitating anxiety. In his words, "Alcohol helped me avoid difficult feelings and feel charming in social situations."
Eventually, he also developed a cocaine habit. Again, in his words, "I sold my (first) marriage and my children for fractions of ounces of blow. My drinking and drug use took over my life and my work. . . . I thought I had hit rock bottom, but it was only the beginning."
Jarrod continued drinking heavily and would go on to be arrested for multiple DUIs. He said of this time, "I was either going to die or end up in jail unless I made a substantial life change."
His life continued to spiral downward until he survived several suicide attempts. "I passed through the darkest nights my soul has ever seen, I felt like such a burden to everyone I knew, and I was disgusted with myself."
In 2007, Jarrod realized for the first time he had been "slowly and methodically shutting everyone out of [his] life." He found a path towards self-acceptance, kindness and love. He felt he'd been given a second chance and was able to set a new tone for his life. Many friends know him as "the hugger" – it was in this time that he started hugging just about everyone he met. He would almost always ask permission, and then envelope folks in what some have called "awkward hugs". He held on good and tight for a good long time.
He made every effort to share his heart with others and help those around him feel loved and accepted just as they were. Almost without fail, he succeeded except in the most personal relationships of partner, children, and to a certain extent, siblings and extended family.
It took Jarrod a while to find his professional path, but once he committed to acting and filmmaking, he consistently expressed how fortunate he was to work in a field he was passionate about with people he genuinely loved. He produced, co-produced, or associate produced eleven Christmas movies, most of them for Crown Media’s Hallmark Channel. He acted in more than twenty-three films and shorts, including “Punk’s Dead, SLC Punk 2,” and “Hereditary.”
There was a time that Jarrod felt great confidence that no matter how low he got, he would have the resilience to bounce back. He said, "If I can survive bankruptcy, multiple divorces, more than one sudden and complete loss of income, foreclosure, and several suicide attempts then there is strength and power to support me and that’s something I will always be grateful for."
In many ways, Jarrod's life epitomizes the character of the lonesome traveler. He was driven to push boundaries, test rules, and would not accept the status quo. He was constantly seeking to learn, curious about the ways in which his mind and emotions did not seem to always serve him, driven to improve, and motivated by the promise of new adventures and new experiences. Along with that, he was restless, unreliable, tortured, and unable to find love or self-acceptance.
In the latter half of 2020, Jarrod's life again began to fall apart. He had a support system and regular contact with many friends and family, but that did not prove enough. He became increasingly depressed, anxious, and isolated. Ultimately, my tortured, lonesome traveler of a brother couldn't bounce back. Life had become too painful. We hope he is now at peace and able to simply "lie in the grass and look at the clouds…".
Jarrod’s quotes are taken from “Starting Over,” Utah Business, published June 10, 2019, available at https://www.utahbusiness.com/personal-struggle
Soldier Hollow Golf Course Clubhouse
Monday March 29, 2021
4:00 pm
If you would like to speak or participate and tell a story about your experience with Jarrod, please send a DM to Jarrod on Facebook.
Service will also be streamed on Jarrod’s Facebook Page at 4pm MDT
In Lieu of flowers, please contribute by following this link:
www.youthlinc.org/jarrod
To order memorial trees or send flowers to the family in memory of William Jarrod Phillips, please visit our flower store.
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